As I write this, I lie on the sea shore, resting and reminiscing about the days gone by when I used to wonder what my purpose in life was.

I was a miniscule part of the great Sahara desert till I latched onto the shoes of a tourist and traveled across continents and countries. I always used to wonder if this was the life I was supposed to live. Be a worthless grain of sand with no purpose and no identity. Then one day, the tourist decided to get rid of his shoes and I became one with the dust and mud in a garbage dump. I made many friends and we shared stories about our mutual worthlessness and inability to do more in life. We soon got a chance. They cleared the garbage dump and made it a playground for children. We lay down together and watched the children run around, stamp us and play. We were all different colors, grain size, nationalities but we all came together for a purpose, to give joy to little children. I realized I was a small part of the bigger picture. On my own I might just be a worthless grain of sand, but together with my brothers I was worthless no more. I had the power to give joy.

It lasted until the land sharks took over the park and constructed a monstrosity by cutting off all the trees. Mother Nature couldn’t bear the destruction and we all rose as one huge storm in revolt and I realized the power within me to destroy, revolt and be evil. We not only destroyed our beloved park, but also the homes of the children who played there. I got blown away by the wind and landed by the beachside where I lie today awaiting to meet my maker, fully aware that he did not create me to be wasted but to be molded and used according to his will. I had the power to give joy or destroy and I had a choice whether to be alone or to act with my brothers. So I say to you, sometimes it is better to have the courage to stand alone and at times it is wise to be one with the crowd. Do good or evil, stand alone or be united, the power to choose is yours and choose you must my dear friend, that too wisely.

What is it with men, mobs and molestation in our country? The recent Mumbai incident has not only exposed the moral depravity but also the desperation and cowardly nature of men in our urban, super fast metros. I don’t wish to generalize as there are decent men around also. Men like the guy in the red t-shirt who, by the victims own admission jumped into the mob to help them.

I wonder what sets men apart. It can’t be only education, class, strata and all that blah- blah. Heroes and zeroes exist everywhere. What is the inherent characteristic that makes a hero rise up to the situation? What is it that makes a hero think that it is perfectly sane to do something in a particular situation, which a normal person would think foolish to even try? What kind of a social conditioning is required to make sure we have more heroes among us than cowards who think they can take advantage of being anonymous in a crowd and let go of whatever restricts them when they don’t have the “courage” of numbers. What would it take to have a mob which surges forward to protect the dignity of a woman than to claw and molest her? What would it take to make sure a woman can wear what she wants, walk freely without fear lurking in her mind of a possible lewd remark, molestation or rape? Wonder what it would take to have a world where we stop living in denial about crime and violence against women across social strata and classes. What would it take for the coward in the mob or the roadside romeo to realize that there is more to life than creating fear in a woman’s mind, there are better ways to channelise your sexual frustration/ fantasies than by pouncing on a hapless woman who for all you know could be your own sister, wife, mother, cousin tomorrow. What would it take to breed a few good men…not necessarily heroes but decent, kind and humane men who would live and let live.

Looks like my muse has decided to take a long holiday.I have been struggling to find it for the past few weeks and it just doesn't seem to be willing to come out of the closet:(

So this is my written attempt to find my muse and ask all of you to pray that it decides to come back soon...and hey I kinda feel my fingers tingling already...:)...yipeeee

A common answer among friends when we ask each other how’s life? I say life is certainly a bitch and she sure has a lot of puppies. Each with a color and personality of its own. No one knows which puppy is gonna turn around and nip at you when you least expect it.

Some say life is beautiful. Agreed, for those of you who don’t have to deal with the daily grind of trying to make ends meet or who have nothing to worry about but what to wear to the next hi profile page three party, life certainly is beautiful. The ugliness is hidden behind the tinted screen of your car windows which block the view of the child from the slum dying due to hunger.

The myriad hues and colors akin to the reflection of a rainbow in a puddle of water seem meaningful to those freshly in love. Life to ‘em lovers is certainly rosy, holding a promise for a tomorrow full of joy and love.

Then there are some of us living on the borderline of sanity and insanity, cynical about most things, trying to portray a façade of all being hunky dory while loneliness and uncertainty gnaws at our soul softly and steadily, just like the winter creeping in leaving one cold and numb. We laugh and smile ensconced in our glass houses, careful not to let our weaknesses seep through the cracks lest someone notices them. We refuse to bend down to what life throws at us knowing fully well it is going to get harder, tougher and lonelier. But that’s what keeps all of us going. Our attitude to life n her puppies; love ‘em, hate ‘em, kick ’em or pet ‘em, you get only what you think you don’t deserve!

Have you ever wondered how the changing moral codes have made us over reactive to innocent situations? This incident happened at my workplace where a lot of youngsters and elderly people work. At most times they all get along well. Sometimes there is a clash of ideas and opinions.
One of the youngsters had a worn a new pant and the zipper got stuck while he was trying to pull it up. After struggling for half an hour he could neither pull it up nor pull his pants down. So, he thought of taking some help and called upon his good friend to do so. His friend squeezed into the small closet - like loo and after close inspection determined that the only way to get the zipper up would be to hold it between his teeth and pull (I know, some of u are already rolling with laughter)

As this fellow got down on his knees to do the same (pardon the pun), the inevitable happened, the door opened (Murphy’s Law never fails – seems they had forgotten to lock the door) and an elderly gentleman stood there with a horrified look on his face, shaking his head. Anyway he shut the door and walked away mumbling disapprovingly about the unholy liaisons that youngsters seem to form nowadays.

The news spread like wildfire and the poor guys involved had to face a lot of embarrassment and good natured ribbing. Thank God everybody saw the humor in the situation and took it with a pinch of salt. Everyone had a good laugh. To top it all, the boys act happy and gay whenever they come across the said gentleman evoking strange, disdainful looks and a comment on morality from him.

I lie here, grounded - unable to do what I knew best,
My broken wings prevent me from taking flight.
I lie here, hurting, bleeding , in pain
I lie here, unable to put back the scattered jigsaw picture pieces in place,
My broken wings prevent me from doing so.

As my broken wings take their time to mend.
I lie here, waiting, hoping, recuperating
Soon they will heal, the scars will fade
In time I will soar again, leaving all the pain behind
And when my wings are broken no more
I will put back the pieces, complete the picture
Spread my unbroken wings and do what I know best – fly.

Change they say is the only constant in life. Then why is it that we find it so hard to adapt to it or accept it? It is so hard to explain as you move on in life and evolve along the path that you have changed and are happy with the person you are turning into when people around you don’t wish to see the positive energy the new attitude/outlook brings to you.
All they want is to hold on to the memory/image of the person you were. They try their best to convince you that the “old you” was a much better persona. Maybe it’s just the habit we all have of wanting to hold onto to the familiar, the well known, the discomfort of trying to unlearn and start all over again, fear of discovering something you would rather not.
All of us want the comfortable and known factors in our lives to maintain status quo without realizing that maybe a slight or radical change is needed to keep the boat from sinking or WD should I say, to keep the ship sailing

Anyway I wrote this because off late a lot of people have been telling me I have changed. All I want to say to them is, yes, I have changed for the better and Iam happier than ever before (No, it has nothing to do with any man, woman or animal, especially cows).I just feel more at peace and don’t feel the need to be an over the edge Type A personality driven by the philosophy of “dog eat dog” and “win the rat rate”. I am happier watching from the sidelines, laughing at the funny things in life, watching the sun rise and set, dreaming about having a child someday, learning to play the violin, thinking about my long term dream of visiting Venice and being serenaded by a violin playing, gondola plying guy (yuss, a guy it has to be with a big straw hat, no moustache, no beard n if he resembles George Clooney then maybe I will him kiss under the moonlight and come back for a ride again!).
Call me what you may but Iam comfortable with me and I guess that’s all that matters. Change is good for all of us and we should encourage each other to realize our potential, evolve as an individual and reach higher levels of self consciousness

Here's a little get to know me fun game...be a sport and please keep it going.

Here's what you need to do...cut and paste this entire blog (yep...no copyright!) and answer the questions and paste it on your page...at the end name the person you want to tag and leave a message for the person with your link on his/her guestbook page...The next tag you replace the previous person's answer with your own and tag someone else and follow the same process again...don't break this...check out what others have to say...AMENDMENT 1...YOU CAN TAG AS MANY FRIENDS...AS U WANT

here goes...
1. How tall are you barefoot?
ha! I prefer to think I am tall! Size doesn’t really matter ;)

2. Have you ever smoked before?
Yup always fuming at em darn cows!

3. Do you own a gun?
now that I think of the people who tagged me…hmm…high time I owned one..

4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be?
Iam a lunatic already, couldn’t get worse

5. How many letters are in your crush's name?
blush..blush..blush..mujhe sharam aati hai..main unka naam apni zubaan par nahi la sakti…ek hindustaani naari se aapne yeh sawwal kaise kar liya??

6. �What's your favorite silly song?
A guy is a guy wherever he may be..

7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Tea n water

8. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
aww.. subah ho gayi mammoo

9. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
now u don’t expect me to give out all my secrets do u?

10. Do you own a knife?
guess my tongue is sharp enough to qualify as one!

11. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
(at work)
- WD,Voraji,Nis may God bless u n d devil kiss u for tagging me.
- Gawd I have so much to read up n Iam sitting n typing this stuff!
- Who's left to tag??Iam already late on this I hope someone is left!!getting panicky now!!!

12. Name the last things you have bought today.
end of month..no money..no buying.

13. Name five drinks you regularly drink.
Water, tea, coffee, juice, hic m too drunk to remember d rest!

14. What time did you wake up today?
awww still trying to open my eyes..

15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Hey play whatever u guyz like..i wont be alive to hear it anyway!

16. What song did you last hear?
Fanaa

17. Favorite place to be?
beachside

18. Least favorite place to be?
traffic jam

19. Do you own slippers?
giggle giggle giggle…hum eent ka jawaab slipper se detey hain ..toh kaise re baba hamare paas slipper rahenga??

20. Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
Hopefully not playing some tag game!!
21. Do you burn or tan?
hehehe! Voraji,WD,Nis..which do u prefer???I can do both very well..choice is urs..kaisey marna chahegey..bolo bolo burn kiya jaye ya tan kiya jaye bolo aapke saath kya salook kiya jaiye?

22. Yellow and blue?
yellow yellow..dirty fellows..ppl who tagged me!

Blue blue..Nis’s pink skirt flew!

23. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Sheesh guys I have been warned not to sing unless I want my right to have a shower revoked!

24. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
an unknown,faceless man..yeah started dreaming about men from a very young age!hehehehe

25. What's in your pockets right now?
no pocket so nothing

26. Last thing that made you laugh?
my brother telling me about his ice skating adventure! oh yeah for a change he FELL..yipeeee!

27.�Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Tom n Jerry sheets

28. Worst injury you've ever had?
now ,now don’t remind me of those cows!

29. Do you wish on stars
Always have n will … d heart refuses to give up.

30. What were you doing 1 AM last night??
On the phone, saying goodnight to a loved one.

Ok... all have been tagged by now i guess..anyway Vishal,Amit agarwal ur turn now!

One thing Iam known for is falling (No Nis not from anybody’s grace,Deeps ..don’t laugh!) If its not some cow, bull, xyz making me take a tumble, then I somehow manage to do so on my own!
And Iam not talking about falling as in falling in love, falling for something etc etc..
The Good Lord knows, even though I try to be extra careful n watch my step most of the time, I somehow end up tripping, slipping, tumbling or FALLING…if someone has to fall it has to be me, no two ways about that!
The most recent fall being a few weeks back, when I was on my way to Goa. We stopped at a petrol bunk in a small place called Yellapur, to fill gas and answer nature’s call. Since it had been raining continuously, there was slush everywhere and me being me, specially changed into my Nike ACG(all condition gear) to walk thru the muck towards the loo.I walked with the utmost care possible, watching each step, lifting one foot, placing it on firm ground, getting a grip and only then lifting the other foot off the ground. I had made it to the door and the joy and relief of having made it without slipping to the much needed bladder relief centre was short lived. As I took the last step my ankle twisted (can u believe it…God is really cruel!)and it was twist,slip,stretch,thump…
All I could see was my friend, the petrol bunk guys and some cows around (darn em..it must have something to do with em!) trying hard to pretend(that’s in bold n underlined n in capitals if u please!) that they were NOT laughing at me.(Ha!they thought I was dumb enough to believe they were all laughing at something amusing that seemed to have happened out of the blue just before I fell!)
The bunk guys disappeared and took a long time to provide us with their “service with a smile” (they were busy hiding inside and laughing!).
I still haven’t heard the last of it from my fellow traveler and it has become a favorite “anecdote to be narrated without fail” at all kinds of gatherings.
And the cows, less said the better. I was grateful that they were least involved in the whole affair. Though I am positive I saw them laughing too!
Nike: ACG is all Bulls##t! Doesn’t help, doesn’t work…remind me to sue those guys!

Continuing with my mishaps with cows and family (don’t know what is it between ‘em n me.Always, with absolutely no exception to the rule, I seem to be at the receiving end)
After I had stopped and yes, I mean stopped doing anything at all to upset a cow, I was viciously attacked by the brother of a cow! I mean how much can a person try and hide/avoid/run/sneak around these creatures in a country like ours where its their birthright to be wherever they wish to be!
A few years back I was walking down the street, lost in my thoughts about a case I was handling. I didn’t even notice the cows with their families around. All I knew was a weird sensation of my feet being lifted off the ground, whizzing past the shop signboards, landing with a thump face down on the road. I lay there helplessly, writhing in pain, unable to move and watched as the bull charged at me again. Thank God someone had sense to shoo the creature away and pull me out of harm’s way.
I struggled to my feet, somehow made it home n then collapsed as I entered home. For two days I was laid up in bed with fever and severe body ache with suspected vertebral fracture and the tension n thoughts of “its all over” haunting me as I drifted in and out of my sedative n pain killer induced sleep.
Thank God for small mercies, I escaped without any permanent damage to my vertebrae. The fact that I couldn’t sit on my derrière for a long time without pain shooting through my body was more welcome than the thought of being paralyzed for life.
Anyway have come a long way since then and still believe that Mad Cow Disease has more to it than meets the eye or in my case, my butt!
Any cows n family out there listening to me, a big moooooo to u guys…I’ll survive!